A Work in Progress

“Rooted in integrity, gratitude, servant leadership, love, and my Christian faith, I will live each day by loving people, making the most of every moment, never saying no to where God calls me, and laughing without fear of the future because the joy of the Lord is my strength.”

This is my personal mission statement. It’s how I’m going to accomplish my vision of living a life “that reflects Christ every day, values relationships, and is the epitome of living the great adventure to the fullest.” However, some days I feel like I have a lot of work to do in regards to living my life with this mission, especially the last part.

I was talking to a friend last night and our conversation made me realize I’m having a hard time laughing without fear of the future, which leads to having a hard time with other things also. You see, part of what I’ve realized in my grief is that because of the loss I’ve experienced, I’m afraid of more loss. I’m afraid of feeling the same loss again and because of that, it’s affecting my ability to “laugh without fear of the future.” When I think of the future with friends or family, I’m afraid of losing them. When I think of accomplishing my dreams, I’m afraid of losing the opportunity to do so. And when I think of adventures, I think of the ones that Heather lost out on.

When I was talking to another friend today, I said there are parts of me I need to work on before doing other things in my life. One of these main things is getting to a better place in my grief journey and I believe in order to do this, one of the things I have to start doing again is laughing without fear of the future. Because of the hope we have in Jesus, we’re going to spend eternity in heaven and therefore shouldn’t be worried about the future. In turn, I’ll be able to truly enjoy the great adventure again and I’ll make the most of every moment. I’ll strengthen relationships because I’m not as worried I’ll experience that same pain again. I’ll continue to follow where God calls and chase after my dreams. And I’ll live my life rooted in faith, not fear.

I know every day won’t be perfect but it’s one step at a time. That’s why I’ve challenged myself to start every morning for the next couple weeks releasing my fears, my anxious thoughts, my doubts, and overall my grief to God. I know it’s still going to be a journey and it’s sure not going to be easy, I also know though that with God all things are possible. 💜

Don’t be afraid to work on yourself. Don’t be afraid to take steps toward change. Don’t be afraid to share your journey. My prayer is that by me being vulnerable and sharing my journey, God uses it to impact someone else.